Waited until the last minute to do your Christmas shopping? Lucky for you the Dysfunctional Bungalow has some ideas for you, like:
• Gift certificates for therapy.
I encourage you to explore the kinds of therapy options that are available. I have known types of therapy where you beat bats into pillows, group therapy where "the group" guides your life, giving you advice on dating and career (yes this borders on a cult, but whatever works), therapy where you throw dishes and any other no-longer-needed-breakables. For easiest clean up, I suggest throwing directly into a dumpster. Yes, you get a certain reputation as the “crazy dumpster lady,” but who wants to spend the afternoon cleaning up that kind of mess at your own house?
Living in the country lends itself to screaming therapy; otherwise you will get the police at your door. I once shared a house where “the screamers” met one Saturday a month. I would wait until they were in deep waves of pain screams to sneak into the kitchen and grab some tasty snacks they brought.
Just remember times are tough. Give a gift that will offer some relief for the jobless, foreclosed upon, and the sick without healthcare.
It has gotten so bad these folks are winding up on my doorstep. Last night I pulled into our snowy driveway to find a little girl sledding down it. I was glad to see that our lack of shoveling benefits someone. I introduce myself and we started to get to know each other. She tells me her name is Elizabeth and that our next door neighbor is babysitting her while her foster mother is working. She assures me driveway/alley sledding is safe as long as you look out for cars. She also informs me this will be a horrible Christmas. Elizabeth isn’t interested in sharing the details, which I can appreciate. I simply offer her a stack of our old dishes and lead her to our silver aluminum trash can to help her work it out.
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