Recipe for Comfort

Thanksgiving is my most beloved holiday. No religion claims it. No sending of cards, buying of gifts, decorating a house, dressing up in costume to participate. The only requirement is to be thankful for something or someone and to eat. Thanksgiving is full of many of my favorite foods from side dishes to pie.

My most memorable Thanksgivings have been times where we have travelled to a bed and breakfast out of town. I love how full the houses were of “odds and ends type family members” like my husband and I who don’t always fit into a family’s big picture. I felt comforted there, probably like you are supposed to feel on holidays. I was reassured knowing that even if I’m alone on a holiday I can find a bed and breakfast on the west side of Michigan or the southwest side of Ohio who will welcome me. They may have some sheep that listen to Christmas carols and eat buttered toast, or a Shepard-mutt who demands a belly-rub at the door.

I think holidays should be about finding comfort for ourselves however unconventional the recipe might be. I hope this Thanksgiving tastes delicious and you sit down and enjoy as much as you want.

Gender-free Parenting

My dad often comments on how great it is that both my husband and I are involved parents, which I appreciate. Usually my son is in daycare part-time and my husband cares for him the other days of the week.

My father is impressed by my husband’s ability to be both “mother” and “father.” I wonder on the days when I am alone with my son if I am successfully engaging in both roles or am I simply being defined as a mother. Mothering seems to be all encompassing to include any and all tasks and roles but no additional titles or accolades. But to co-parent (this is actually a term for parents parenting equally) is out of the norm and modern, and gives father’s a new title.

This is not to say I am not grateful for my parenting partner, because I am, but my expectations with the birth of our son were that we would share the workload. As we have done with our marriage, our home, our dog, and however many other things. Nothing is ever exactly split in half evenly of course, but things are certainly shared so it is comfortable and manageable for us both. Otherwise, having a baby would have been too overwhelming to me and too detached for my husband.

But, as I am reading this phrase co-parenting in magazine articles and on blogs more often, I realize this is a newer concept. As silly as it seems to give parenting the name co-parenting, I do appreciate it receiving the credit it deserves. I simply can’t grasp how one gender could be more tuned into parenting than another. This concept just seems outdated.

If our families are fortunate enough to have two caregivers available for a child, then unleash whatever you have to give. Two males, two females, one of each, whatever, just love the kid up. Just sing some songs off key. Just make up a silly game that involves jumping on one leg. Just start dancing that involves turning in circles. Just do anything that ends up with tickling. Isn’t that the bottom line? Your child doesn’t know if he or she is being mothered or fathered or grand mothered if they are feeling loved.

We wait for the sound of hiccups to tell us we’ve done a good job. When our boy is really, really giggling he gets the hiccups. This brings me a happy, settled satisfaction. What signs do you look for?